


The Protracted Romance of a Lady Ambassador

by Kona



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Communication Failure, Cullen Being A Good Wingman, Dorian Is A Chaotic Wingman, Dorian Pavus Being Dorian Pavus, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Innuendo, Love Letters, One Shot, Pining, Sappy, Self-Indulgent Sappiness That Got Out Of Hand, Slow Burn, Unintentional innuendo, so much pining, there's a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 08:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kona/pseuds/Kona
Summary: Evelyn Trevelyan had vague recollections of Josephine Montilyet from her brief adolescence outside of the Circle in Ostwick. She and her mother had been mainstay members of her Great Aunt’s summer balls. She remembered everyone speaking of the bright young woman and how she was a proud asset to her family name. She even remembered seeing her-far before her mind had realized that she did not fancy men-and thinking: ‘Oh, well she’s rather pretty.’Now, a little more than a decade later, Evelyn wished she could go back in time and slap herself for not paying better attention to the Antivan noble. ‘Rather pretty’ was the grossest understatement she could think of to describe Josephine now.





	The Protracted Romance of a Lady Ambassador

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in May of 2017 as a little giggle to myself because unlike my Male Inquisitors, my Female Inquisitors are Not Smooth. At all. So what started as a silly dunk on my F!Trevelyan Mage slowly turned into a l o n g project in filling in the gaps of a sweet but short romance. It's long and ridiculous but if this isn't On Brand for me I don't know what is really. Also if you've read my M!Quiz/Cass stuff surprise! In this universe Alden is the dead sibling at the Conclave instead of Evelyn. Anywats, enjoy this testament to my folly as a writer and shipper.

Evelyn Trevelyan had vague recollections of Josephine Montilyet from her brief adolescence outside of the Circle in Ostwick. She and her mother had been mainstay members of her Great Aunt’s summer balls. She remembered everyone speaking of the bright young woman and how she was a proud asset to her family name. She remembered her own elder brother and younger brother talking around how she danced so well. She even remembered seeing her-far before her mind had realized that she did not fancy men-and thinking: ‘Oh, well she’s rather pretty.’

Now, a little more than a decade later, Evelyn wished she could go back in time and slap herself for not paying better attention to the Antivan noble. ‘_ Rather pretty _’ was the grossest understatement she could think of to describe Josephine now. Isolation in the Tower Circle seeing the same faces every day had not prepared her for this. For eyes that were a veritable starburst of color, a smile that made the room brighter, and a voice that could (and would) read budget reports and still be charming. 

Maker above she was nearly 30, and here she was twitter-patted like a 15 year old debutante. 

It didn’t help that Josephine was always so interested in speaking to her. Always willing to listen to a mage ramble about her latest theories on Lyrium and spell casting. Or to help her get reacquainted with the nobility of the nations they were being watched by. She always leaned forward as if she were the most important person in the room, her eyes intent with interest. All Evelyn could do was ramble more and more to keep her attention.

When they were in Haven that meant swinging by the Chantry as much as possible to listen to the state of affairs, and now in Skyhold to make her way to her spacious office to read and chat. To bring the ambassador tea and snacks whenever she was in between missions out in the field. 

Anything to get that little smile that Josephine fixed her with when she slipped into a room while she was with someone else. The small quirk of her lips as her eyes shone at her for a moment before focusing back on whatever she was working on or who she was talking to. 

Which was why, even as she sat by the campfire in the Hinterlands, outside of Redcliffe, she was penning Josephine a letter. 

_ Lady Montilyet, _

_You’ll have to forgive_ _my sudden exit from Skyhold the other day. I’m sure you’re fretting about my meeting with the visiting Marcher Nobles, but this should be quick business. In fact, I may return before this letter even gets to you! In which case I’ll gladly take the tongue lashing you’ll give me. I’m sure I deserve it. I’m more than willing to attempt to make up for this stress that you do not need in some way. Simply say the word and I’ll comply. _

_ Yours fondly, _

_ E. Trevelyan. _

“You my friend, have it rather bad.”

Evelyn nearly spilled her ink all over her travel desk at Dorian’s low drawl. She should have figured the mage wouldn’t sleep. It was his fault they were out here waiting to enter Redcliffe in the morning to meet his family retainer, after all. 

“What-What do you mean?” Evelyn coughed, attempting to hide the note. 

“I mean this letter. Evie, my dear, it _ drips _ with sexual innuendo. If I didn’t know you grew up in a Tower locked away from the rampant debauchery that is nobility I would congratulate your moxie. As it is I fear this letter will simply embarrass you.” Dorian sat next to her, the picture of amusement as his lips curled in a grin.

“Shove off Dorian. It’s not...” Evelyn read the letter over, her lips turned in a frown, “It’s…” She read it a second time, slower. And after a moment she buried her face in her hands as Dorian erupted in laughter. 

“By Andraste, you innocent lamb! You didn’t even realize it.” Dorian plucked the letter from the large wooden slate and shrugged. “Then again, since she’s just as oblivious maybe it _ is _fine. So long as Leliana doesn’t read it.”

“But Leliana reads _ everything _.” Evelyn moaned, taking the letter back. 

“Then you are out of luck, my friend.” Dorian gave Evelyn’s shoulder a strong few pats before leaning back on his hands. “But look at you. Out in the world without a huge attache for once and you’re still attending to business. That runner who came with your reports surely doesn’t need to hurry back does he? Let it lie. He and I will thank you for it.”

Evelyn shook her head, “No, I can’t do that. Josephine has planned this for a _ month _ and my brother is going to be with this group and we nearly didn’t get it to work. It will seem as though I don’t appreciate her hard work.” She ran a hand through her hair, the wavy locks twisting in her fingers. “I don’t want to let her down.”

“You are a saint. It’s terrible. I look like a right asshole next to you.” Dorian bemoaned, his head cast back in mock dramatics. 

“You _ are _ a right asshole, Dorian.” Evelyn shot back, “And I’m not saintly. I haven’t written to Cullen or Leliana. Just Josephine.”

“Oh, as if you still didn’t read all their ‘important news’ that the runner brought.”

Evelyn looked at the piece of parchment in her hands and had to resist the urge to rip it up in embarrassment. She hadn’t meant for it to come across as though she were favoring Josephine so much. And yet here she was, writing a letter to someone who had been the only adviser to not send her a missive. 

“It’s no good then. I won’t send it.” Evelyn grumbled then, making to crumple the paper. Dorian snatched it from her fingers before she had the chance though, standing with the motion. Evelyn nearly lost her balance on the log she sat on as she swung her arm above her to retrieve it. 

“I didn’t want you to get all serious and grumbly about it.” Dorian cocked an eyebrow, frowning, “Especially not when I’ve dragged you out to the ass end of Fereldan to deal with my own drama.”

“And if you’re my friend you’ll give back my embarrassing letter and let me draft a new one.” 

Dorian fixed her with a wicked grin, twirling the paper in his hand, before trotting off towards the runner that was eating at the edge of camp. Evelyn watched in horror as he folded the letter and handed it to the young man with a wink. The runner shoved the rest of his bread in his mouth and was off on his horse without another word. 

Dorian waited until the runner’s horse couldn’t be heard before turning with that same shit eating grin on his face. 

“Well, that takes care of that, no?”

\--

“Ah! Lady Trevelyan, a moment, if you would?” 

Evelyn wanted to pretend she hadn’t heard Josephine calling for her-not when she was a sweaty mess after running laps with the newest trainees. Not when she was sucking in breath as if she’d just outrun a dragon. But she couldn’t stop her traitorous body from perking up and looking towards where Josephine had called for her on the front staircase of the main hall. 

She loosely raised a hand to the air to acknowledge Josephine and winced as she reached down for her waterskin to make her way over to the ambassador. She was a little more than thankful that Josephine descended down the stairs to meet her. Josephine looked immaculate, not a hair out of place, and suddenly Evelyn was very aware of how her hair was fighting to come loose of it’s horsetail, and how her work shirt and pants were covered in dirt and sweat.

“What can I do for you, Josephine?” Evelyn forced a casual smile on her face, taking a drink from her waterskin. She was aware that Dorian was lurking in the tavern nearby and was almost certain he would needle her if he caught her making a fool of herself with Josephine. She would just have to play it ‘cool’, as Dorian had suggested. 

Josephine’s sunny smile destroyed that notion right off the bat, unfortunately. Her eyes, stripped of the usual polite air they had during official business, flickered back to her memo board. “Yes, I was wondering if you might be able to accompany me to Val Royeaux in a few days time. There is a Comte who would like to meet you, who is loathe to leave the city.”

“This won’t be like the last time I met a Comte in the city, right?” Evelyn grinned, “We’re _ not _ meeting with an assassin this time, correct?”

No one would believe Evelyn if she said that Josephine rolled her eyes, but there it was. It was charming. And the smile on her face twitched as she suppressed a laugh, “No, this time we are _ truly _ meeting with a Comte. I was friends with his daughter in school, and she’s been slowly working with me to gain his support.”

“What do we stand to gain from him?” Evelyn took another swig from her waterskin, expecting the answer to be more influence in the Game, or a small retinue of Chevaliers. Things that came more naturally the longer they worked on their alliances.

“Ah, well, he has a large library of arcane tomes and research he’d collected from Circles around Thedas. I was wondering if maybe his library might assist your research of Red Lyrium and the Breach?”

Evelyn nearly choked on her water, so surprised at the response was she. She bent over, coughing haggardly as Josephine’s hand came to her back in shock. It was a few painful moments of embarrassment and wheezing before Evelyn looked back up at Josephine. 

“Sorry, he has books on _ magic _? Usually people don’t go advertising that they research magic if they aren’t in the Circles.” 

Josephine looked quite proud of herself, a smile on her face that was nothing short of heart stopping. “I’m quite good at my job, Lady Trevelyan. I remember you mentioning that you thought you might have a lead on some of the creation methods of Red Lyrium. I asked around and Comte Lutecine was willing to ‘talk shop’ in his own words, and let you borrow from his library.”

“I hadn’t thought you’d remember,” Evelyn’s face felt hot, and it had nothing to do with her recent workout. The last time she’d had tea with Josephine she had mentioned-rambled more like-that she’d been working on a piece of Red Lyrium and had hit a roadblock. She’d complained that one thing she missed from the Circle life was having all the research of her fellows right there to help her with breakthroughs. 

“But of course! Your research is important to not only the Inquisition, but also is personally fascinating to hear you speak about.” Josephine sounded so earnest, Evelyn didn’t even mind that there was a practical reason for helping in her side projects. Josephine just said she was _ fascinating _. Her.

“Thank you, Lady Montilyet. This is...I’m very grateful.” She was tripping over herself to salvage her side of the conversation. 

Josephine’s laughter and wave of her hand was wonderful, “Nonsense! It’s my pleasure. Besides, the last time we ventured into the capitol we didn’t get to enjoy it. This time, I’d rather like to take you to a cafe and to do some shopping.” 

“Well, any time spent in your company is worth rubbing some elbows with Orlesians.” Evelyn grinned, “I’d love to spend a day with you, Josephine. Just the two of us.” Evelyn wasn’t sure if the slight red that she saw on Josephine’s cheeks was the woman’s rouge or if it was a blush. She was hoping it was the latter.

\--

It seemed everything was going poorly for her, this past month. Cassandra’s broken arm in the field, Dorian’s flu, and Cole’s well...whole deal had put her out of her main traveling party for the past few weeks and Evelyn was beginning to chafe. Freedom, now that it was always within her grasp, was intoxicating. Staying in Skyhold, even with it’s many diversions, always felt a bit too much like the Circle Tower. Always so many people watching her every move, hanging on her every word. It was beginning to have Evelyn fray at the edges. 

She knew that her Inner Circle needed a break, it had been a rough go of trying to aide both sides of a civil war and their attempts to free the Dales from all the undo influences. It made sense to recuperate before hitting the Western Approach yet again to take the Wardens back. Still. She was restless. 

Everyone else in her Council had things to do. Cullen was readying troops with Hawke, Leliana was scouting the area with her men, and Josephine was frantic trying to reach out to any remaining Grey Wardens to attempt to sway them to the Inquisition’s side.

Not wanting to get underfoot, Evelyn had retreated to the basement of Skyhold, to the small library that had once been covered in cobwebs. It contained the more interesting, ancient books, and the sense of quiet it imbued was relaxing. It was a fair bit chillier than her own study in her quarters-but Evelyn couldn’t bear to stay cooped up in there than longer than she needed. It felt too much like the tower, comfortable as it may be.

In the end, research was always a familiar comfort. Evelyn would always have that, regardless of where she was. So here she was, hiding away from all the things that were making her anxious. With a three small lanterns keeping a desk cluttered with scrawled notes and open tomes lit. Sitting in a tall chair, wearing little more than a loose work shirt, trousers and her hair in a horsetail that was already half loose, she didn’t look anything like the leader she was supposed to be. She preferred it that way.

“Oh! There you are!”

“_ Maker’s breath _!”

Evelyn nearly knocked over her inkwell what with the way she jumped out of her skin. The chair made a horrible screeching noise as she struggled to stand to find the source of the voice. The thudding of her heart wasn’t helped any by finding out who had found her. 

It was Josephine, carrying a tray with a cheery looking teapot and two cups waiting. She looked as put together as she always had, with the addition of a lovely blue shawl over her shoulders to keep the chill out. Her face seemed as surprised as Evelyn’s, her wonderful eyes wide and her lips just slightly agape in a way that gave Evelyn the impulse to lean over and kiss them. 

“Josie-I! I mean, Lady Montilyet-” Evelyn suddenly couldn’t decide how to address her friend, her tongue just fumbling about. She coughed, her mouth dry for some reason, “You frightened me.”

Josephine gave a small curtsy, an embarrassed smile on her face, “Forgive me. I had tea sent up to your quarters expecting you to have been up there, but the maid came back and said you weren’t there.” She raised the tray a smidge, and tilted her head a touch, “I decided to try to deliver it by hand but it would seem I’ve interrupted some deep thought.”

“No, no-I wasn’t making a lot of headway, I was just…” Evelyn waved impotently at her cluttered desk space, “Old habit to dive into research when I have free time I suppose.” 

“I don’t wish to intrude…” Josephine was already making to retreat, and it took all of Evelyn’s tact to not lurch over the desk to grab the tray to make her stay. She opted instead for the only slightly less awkward affair of tripping over a pile of books to get around the desk to intercept the ambassador.

“Please, it’s no trouble at all. I forget time when I’m researching-I could use the distraction.” Feeling a little bold, even with a slight flush on her cheeks, she pressed onward. “And your company is never an imposition. I will always want to spend time with you, Josephine.”

Evelyn’s hands were careful as they wrapped around the edges of the tray Josephine held, and if she’d been a little bolder, she would have gone with covering Josephine’s hand in hers. As it was, Josephine’s radiant smile as she relinquished hold of the tray to Evelyn was enough. As Josephine pulled the only other seat in the study, a small stool to the large desk, Evelyn placed the tray in the only open spot left on the desk.

“Goodness, you have so many books open. How do you even know which is the one you need?” Josephine’s voice was awed, and almost muffled as she ran her fingers over the open pages of the closest book.

“I actually thrive in the clutter, if you’ll believe that. I hate having to get up to find a book I put down, so I just keep everything relevant on hand. Keep the research flowing with a little less forgetting.” Evelyn explained, placing a hand against the kettle and suffusing her hand with minor fire magic until there was a fine line of steam emerging from the spout. Pouring two cups and mixing in Josephine’s preferred amount of cream and sugar, she continued, “I know you like to keep your workspace tidy, so this must be horrifying.”

“You desk is what my nightmares are made of,” Josephine agreed with a small giggle, “Thank you for heating the tea. I was worried it might have gotten chilled from my wandering.” Evelyn handed over the teacup with a small grin, watching as Josephine’s fingers curled around the warmth with a happy sigh.

“Well, mages have to be good for something other than world ending apocalypses.” Evelyn’s voice was wry as she fell back into her chair, bringing her teacup up for a small sip. She watched as Josephine’s lips curled in a small frown and Evelyn coughed, suddenly awkward, “Too much sugar?”

“No, no the tea is fine-It’s your assessment of yourself.” Josephine leaned forward, her eyes all empathy and pity, “You know you’re far more than your magic, right?”

Evelyn averted her eyes to her teacup, cheeks suddenly hot, “Josephine, I mean-” She struggled to form an adequate lie, finally throwing a hand in the air and waving it limply, “I’m a mage. There isn’t a lot I can do that isn’t linked to magic. Even this-” she gestured to the desk, “Everything I research for the Inquisition is magical because I didn’t learn enough about politics to be useful there. Or fighting.”

Her left hand prickled angrily, the Anchor crackling for a moment painfully. She winced, clenching the fist, dropping it below the table. “Case in point, yes? Even with _ this _ I don’t have much to offer beyond, you know...magic?”

There was a long beat of silence as Evelyn endeavored to look anywhere but at Josephine’s face-unwilling to see what she was sure was far too much compassion than she was ready to accept. She was almost certain the ambassador was going to just get up and leave when she heard a teacup rest against the desk until a warm hand wrapped around her wrist. 

She nearly jumped out of her skin, her eyes wide, as suddenly Josephine was closer than before with a heart wrenching look on her face. Her eyes were fierce as she squeezed Evelyn’s wrist. Evelyn was bewitched. 

“You are far more than just your magic to me, Evelyn Trevelyan. You are an excellent listener, a scholar; a diplomat who is learning at every turn, and a compassionate leader who has our troops and followers alike hanging on your every word.” Josephine paused, biting her lip, “It pains me to think that you don’t feel the same way about yourself. You’re magnificent.”

If it weren’t for the pressure of Josephine’s fingers, and the warmth sinking into her skin, Evelyn would have thought that this was all a dream. A trick of the Fade. But here Josie was, praising her, and so _ so _ close that Evelyn could smell the scent she’d put on this morning. _ Crystal Grace, a touch of honey. _She could press their foreheads together if she dared. 

She didn’t, but the passing thought of bravery was a good sign. 

Instead she smiled, turning her hand over in Josie’s grasp. She took Josie’s wrist now, the warmth spreading in her limbs from the touch having nothing to do with magic. 

“Thank you, Josie. I’ll try to remember that.”

\--

Josephine was coming up to her room for tea. 

It felt foolish to be feeling jumpy about that, something that had happened dozens of times before. It felt even_ more _ foolish knowing that she was leaving for Adamant in a couple of days time. Evelyn logically knew that inherently, nothing had changed between them, really. 

Sure, Evelyn had fumbled her way through a confession (Aided entirely by Leliana’s warnings) and into Josephine’s arms. But there really wasn’t any...difference to the two of them. She’d only really been able to kiss her that night, and even at that only a few times. They still chatted in the midday over tea, and engaged with the rest of Evelyn’s advisers at the War Table. It didn’t feel very different. Even if their hands lingered a little longer over papers passed between them or tea cups handed over. Evelyn knew she had certainly started staring a little more openly at Josephine-something she’d been caught doing at the war table at least three times over. (She’d counted, because what did a researcher do beside mark failures for future growth?)

She’d endured plenty of teasing from her friends for it, Dorian especially, when they were out in the Hinterlands cleaning up a rift and a dragon issue. Cassandra had only offered her a strong pat on the shoulder and a congratulations. Cole _ seemed _ happy for her-but it was often so hard to tell. But for all the teasing, and all the bluster that her embarrassed ego was enduring...she felt lost. 

She’d never had a romance like this before. The Circle certainly didn’t offer opportunities for wooing and winning ladies fair, and she’d been too young for that sort of thing when she was still in the Marcher nobility crowd. She wasn’t smooth like her brother Alden, or confident like her twin Maxwell. She was the awkward duck, one whose book smarts had somehow won over Josephine. 

Not that reading a book was helping her get any better at this. There were hundreds of books on how to woo a lady if you were a man. Not so many for shut in mage women. Evelyn wasn’t going to be out there winning tournaments in Josephine’s name, or dueling a man who’d besmirched her honor. There was little that she could, that wouldn’t take them away from their work at large. She had been eyeing up the small gazebo in the corner of the garden though, to whisk Josephine off to. But that was for another day.

So the tea. A thing they’d always done. Something natural that wouldn’t set tongues wagging. Hopefully. As it was, Evelyn was just glad that no one would be witness to any potential embarrassment. 

As it was the balcony was high enough in her chambers that she could simply hurl herself from it should things go poorly. 

For the time being, pacing across a carpet more expensive than any clothing she’d worn in the past 10 years seemed to be doing the trick. The tray with the tea and various snacks had been brought up by the kitchen staff only a few minutes ago, and while Evelyn knew they’re brought it early-she’d never know Josephine to be late. Which usually means that she comes early. Which means-

As she continued down her anxious rabbit hole, she heard the lower door opening to her chamber and she swore she skidded to a stop against her carpet. She waited, nearly holding her breath as she listened to the tell tale clicks on Josephine’s shoes against the wood. She swore she felt her heart grow two sizes when she saw Josephine’s smile crest over the railing of the stairwell. 

She couldn’t fight her smile, or the way the tension instantly dropped away to be replaced by the warmth of Josie’s smile and eyes. 

“Hi.” It sounded like too little to say in the face of the woman who held her heart in her hand, but anything else would have tripped over her tongue. 

For her part, Josephine simply giggled with a small curtsy. For a rare moment she wasn’t cradling her notepad in the crook of her arm, and there was no quill or pen in her hand. She opened her arms a bit in a small flourish and Evelyn couldn’t fight her own laugh at that.

“You have my complete attention, my lady.”

Evelyn flushed at the thought, the thrill of knowing that no one would be here to whisk either of them away for something ‘important’. She closed the distance between the two of them, and in a moment of bold behavior gently took both of Josephine’s hands in her own. The hands so similar to her own-calluses from long hours of writing, stained with ink on the edges-the way her own hand had been for years before combat roughened them beyond a shut in bookworm. 

“I’m honestly not convinced we’re not going to be interrupted any minute now so I’m just going to have to take advantage of the moment right now.” Evelyn admitted, tilting her head slightly, lips parted for a kiss. To her credit, Josephine leaned up and slanted her lips against hers without any hesitation. 

Evelyn was sure at some point a kiss wouldn’t wreck her, but for the time being-in this moment everything was perfect-so perfect it almost couldn’t be true. She’d been credited by her teachers for years for having a perfect memory. She could remember most any book or paper she’d read with ease. In this moment she was furiously attempting to burn every sensation of this kiss into her memory for the rest of her life. 

\--

Adamant had ruined her. She’d studied the Fade for most of her magical career, debated it with Solas late in the night. But suddenly being transported into the Fade-physically walking through nightmares-watching Wardens use blood magic in a vain attempt to stem a nonexistent Blight-watching Stroud raise his sword to an unspeakable Nightmare--

Evelyn hadn’t slept in three days. She’d passed out after exiting the Fade and giving her speech, and slept for the two day trip back to Skyhold. She kissed Josephine so hard she thought she might have the imprint of Josephine’s lips against hers forever. The first night she spent back in her own bed in Skyhold though had been terrible. The moment the wall were around her she felt like it was all too much. She was back in the Temple of Sacred Ashes-back in knee deep ichor in the Fade-

She didn’t bother trying to force herself to sleep. She locked herself in the basement library instead-insisting she be left to her work. She asked for food to be brought and often it sat uneaten beside a bite by the door. She worked feverishly. 

A fake Blight through a Nightmare, demons being forced into Seekers, Templars crying for Red Lyrium as their bodies wasted away. _ Wardens _ binding demons to themselves as if it would help with _ anything. _All she could see was death behind her eyelids when she blinked. Max’s face gaunt and framed in a sickly red hue of corrupted Lyrium; his Templar armor covered in the terrible mineral. Alden’s carefree grin being wiped away as a force of magic burned everything he ever was away. The whisper of betrayal on a breeze in the Fade. 

_ Why couldn’t she use her powers to save those she loved? _

Her nightmares touched even Josephine; cut down en-route to a meeting by assassins she thought she’d thwarted. Or maybe poisoned at a meal just for the two of them. Social ruin from dallying with a mage. A _ female _ mage. 

The Nightmare still had his claws in her yet. She wouldn’t be free of him until she understood everything about him. Whenever she’d feared a type of magic, or monster, she had simply researched it. Rationalized it. If she understood her foe there was no reason to be afraid of it anymore. 

Too bad that was slow going. Her mind was working sluggishly as she poured over all the books she could. Her vision swam and her eyes hurt, but every time she let them rest all she saw was despair. It was better to just stay awake. Stay _ focused _. 

Hours ticked by on her candles, and she hadn’t seen the sun in so long she wasn’t sure what time it was. There has been knocks at the door before-from Cullen, Cassandra, Leliana, _ Josephine _-but she’d refused them all. Told them she needed to work. When she heard the knock on the door, she didn’t even bother with the requisite ‘Go away’ she had in the first day of her self imposed exile.

The door was locked-what could they do?

That fact made it all the more surprising when the door did creak open. Her head swung up, the action hurting every part of her head. Evelyn winced, blinking a few times to make she wasn’t hallucinating her visitor. She was not. 

“Jo..sephine?” Her voice was hoarse and creaky-she hadn’t spoken more than a few words in the past three days. She could barely believe Josephine was standing there. Her gut churned with guilt at the look of hurt and shock on her beloved’s face. She couldn’t imagine what she must look like. A mess, surely, but the vain part of her that only wanted to please Josephine hoped she still looked somewhat dashing. 

“Maker above…” Josephine’s voice seemed to ache as she stepped into the room, almost tripping over a pile of discarded books, “Evie, are you alright?” Evelyn winced at the words, knowing that Josephine had left off the part of the thought that said she looked terrible. 

“I’m fine.” A cough to clear her throat and she turned from Josephine to tidy some papers on the desk in front of her, “I’m in the middle of a breakthrough-” _ a lie so bad she couldn’t believe she’d even tried it _ “-and I just wanted to keep going is all.”

“No one has seen you in _ three days _ ,” Josephine sounded like she was about to burst into tears as she finally put a hand on Evelyn’s shoulder. “I had to bribe Sera to unlock this door and I-” her voice hitched and Evelyn turned to her fully now, taking in the tears welling in Josephine’s eyes, “I have to find you looking like _ this. _ Like you’re about to collapse and you won’t even tell me _ why! _”

Evelyn felt the air punch out of her as she exhaled, guilt mixing with fear that she’d ruined her prospects with the one person she truly cherished in this whole mess. Weakly, she folded Josephine in her arm.

“I’m sorry.” The words were small, quivering. There was too much unsaid. Too much to explain all at once. And she’d never been good with words, so how could she possibly start now?

“Why? Why are you doing this to yourself?” Josephine pulled back enough so her hands could frame Evelyn’s face. Evelyn bodily shivered at the touch. Josephine’s hands were so much warmer than her face, so much softer than her own. It didn’t help that she hadn’t seen or touched anyone in three days, but even through that she knew part of this was due to Josephine’s influence on her.

There was no point lying. Not at this point when Josie could see the deep circles under her eyes and the bloodshot whites of her eyes. She bit her lip, shame welling up in her, forcing down the tears that usually accompanied admitting a weakness.

“I can’t sleep,” She finally admitted, her head tucked down, “Every time I close my eyes I’m back in the Fade-or I’m watching Nightmare rip us apart or--” she choked on the words, tears finally winning against her willpower. 

“Oh, Evie,” Josephine swept the shivering mage into her arms, her face pressed into the crook of Josephine’s neck. Crystal Grace and honey filled Evelyn’s nose, and it was all too much. The sound of Josephine cooing encouragement at her, the feeling of her fingers running through her hair, the warmth of her body against Evelyn’s chilled form. 

“I wish you had _ told _me. We have people who can help you with these things!” Josephine sounded close to tears herself, “I’ve been beside myself since you returned, worried that somehow I’d down something wrong-that you realized that a warrior and a diplomat couldn’t be together, that-” Josephine was just as choked up as Evelyn was. As Evelyn pulled away from the crook of Josephine’s neck, she watched as the carefully applied kohl around Josephine’s eyes was smudging under the tears rolling down her face. 

“It isn’t you!” Evelyn immediately moved to swipe the tears away with a shaking hand, “I’m-I’m just afraid.” she admitted. Taking in a shaky breath she finally admitted it, “I’m afraid I’m going to get everyone killed, and ruin your life, and the Nightmare only made it _ worse _ and I thought if I _ understood _ it it would be better, but it isn’t.”

Josephine took Evelyn’s shaking hand in her own, pressing a kiss to it gently. Holding it to her mouth for a moment, Evelyn could tell she was praying by the way her lips moved against her skin. She shivered at the touch. Josie’s eyes were closed, tears still leaking from the side. When she slowly opened them, they were determined. Strong. They reminded Evie of the last time Josephine had caught her wallowing down here in the library. It made her ears go hot. 

“You cannot save the world if you cannot save yourself, Evie. You _ must _ let me in. How can I assure you that I’m alive and well if you don’t?” She slowly moved Evelyn’s hand to the juncture right below her jaw and ear. Pressing the Inquisitor’s fingers to it, Evelyn had to fight an audible sob at the strong thrum of Josephine’s pulse. Alive. She was alive. 

\--

The Winter Palace was never Evelyn’s favorite place. She’d been once, as a child when her father had been invited to some large Chantry gala of some sort. She’d spent the entire time in the library with Maxwell, pouring over the books. Her twin had been indulgent, bringing her stacks and stacks of heavy tomes the entire night until their nanny had come to collect them. 

She missed that the quiet of that night. Here and now, wearing a dress uniform that suited no one and disarmed of her staff, Evelyn felt the entire ballroom’s eyes on her. Her carefully thought out plan to have Dorian do all the talking, and Cassandra to stop people from talking to _ her _ had ended rather quickly when both of them went off to do their own things. Cole had just upped and disappeared on her, which honestly, she should have expected. 

The only thing keeping her on her toes and not fleeing in a mess of anxiety and childhood nightmares was Josephine. Josie, who had coached her on the names and the titles and danced with her in her quarters. Josie who hadn’t minded that Evelyn would steal kisses from her lips in the middle of their dances, and who blushes so prettily when Evelyn stared at her. Yes, it was only the thought that Josephine was waiting for her at the end of this that was keeping her going. Far be it for her to disappoint.

And one repaired relationship and an averted coup d'etat later Evelyn was finally able to breath. What a nightmare it had been. The worst was passing through the library she’d visited once and stopping herself from pilfering every book on the shelves for herself. Not to mention the literal Witch in the court? There was so much that was ridiculous about the night, and Evelyn hadn’t drunk nearly enough wine to deal with it. Ah well. 

Standing out on a balcony, glass in hand, Evelyn was able to relax. No one had seen her leave the ballroom and thankfully Dorian had stepped in to soak up the praise of the court in her stead. Let him play the Game, he was better suited for it than her any day. In any case, the wine was sweet, and the night air was crisp in comparison to the stuffy hot air of the ballroom. 

Hearing the doors to the balcony open, Evelyn had to stifle the groan of anger growing in her throat. That was until the person slid next to her, equally leaning over the balcony. She’d recognize those hands anywhere. Turning her head she saw Josephine, not a hair out of place, beaming at her. 

“You’ve done so well tonight. Not only have we secured our alliance, you’ve gained the trust of the court as well!” Josephine’s voice was bursting with pride, “And you said that a mage could _ never _.” Her eyes twinkled with mirth and Evelyn had to laugh.

“Well, I had no idea a _ literal _ Witch of the Wilds had joined the court. Maybe I would have rated myself higher then.” She took a sip of her wine, “but I’m glad it worked out. I was sure I’d let you down somehow.”

“Either way I would have had much work to do.” Josephine bumped her shoulder with Evelyn’s. She stayed close. “But I _ knew _ you could do it.”

Evelyn flushed with pride, ducking her head, “Well I’m glad one of us had confidence in me.” She teased. 

They stayed silent for a little while, listening to the music filter through the doors. They watched the stars, just standing close to each other. After listening to a waltz or two, Josephine looped her arm through Evelyn’s and leaned her head against the Inquisitor’s shoulder. 

“I know you dislike parties, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been looking forward to this.” Josephine whispered, “Not the assassination attempts or the treaty signing, but just going to a ball with someone dear to me.”

Evelyn felt her mouth go dry and her heart skip a beat. She opened and closed her mouth at least three to stop herself from blurting out ‘_ I love you’ _ to her. It was still too soon for all of that. Even if she felt it burning in her chest. She settled for something less instead, “Then maybe we can attend another ball some time soon, one where we aren’t in the middle of a terrible plot.”

Josephine’s laugh was like an addiction, and as she laughed and looked up at Evelyn, the mage couldn’t help but grin. She’d do anything to keep her smiling. To keep her laughing. She’d heard her brother talk this way about his wife when he’d visited the Tower but she never understood it until now. 

Placing her glass on the balcony, she leaned back and led Josephine to the middle of the balcony. Offering her hand, she tried hard as she could to look suave. “I believe they’re starting another song. Care for a dance, Lady Montilyet?”

Josephine’s flushed cheeks and small curtsy answered for her, as she allowed herself to be drawn in and sweep up in a slightly clumsy dance. Evelyn had tried to master the waltz in her time before the ball, but her 2 weeks were nothing against Josephine’s 20 odd years of mastery. Even so, it seemed like she was floating on air the whole time.

\--

Evelyn was miserable. Preparing for the Arbor Wilds was a nightmare of logistics and manpower, and what it amounted to was that everyone was very busy. Beyond just being busy due to her workload, there was the fact that the people Evelyn usually went to to relax with were also busy. 

Cullen was busy running the troops through drills, Dorian was studying as much as he could about the ruins they were going to storm, and Cassandra was hard at work training. Cole was beside himself trying to help everyone deal with the stress, and that left Evelyn with very few options of her closest friends. 

On top of all of the preparations, Evelyn wasn’t even supposed to be seen too near in public to Josephine. News of her engagement had shocked Evelyn to her core, and Josie’s quiet request for the two of them to hold off their relationship until she sorted it out was even worse. Josie had kissed her so hard, it almost made up for the two weeks of agony of being deprived her company. And of course their campaign with the Arbor Wilds would be more important that her engagement. 

So Evelyn would have to deal with it. Poorly. 

Which was how she ended up in the training yard with Cassandra. She’d been working on and off with her and Cullen to hone her swordsmanship. Since finally achieving the status of Knight Enchanter (Something she’d never cared about as a researcher and only pursued in the hopes of impressing the troops and Josie) she wanted to act the part. All the men in her family were naturals with blades. She was...not as fortunate with them. 

Circling around with Cassandra, Evelyn nervously flipped her staff in her left hand all the while the hum of magic echoing down through her right arm to the hilt of her spirit blade. She was exhausted. They’d been practicing for what felt like hours even though it was really only around 2. Cullen called out from behind the wood slats to her. 

“Widen your stance! She could sweep a blade right under you and you’ll be dead!”

Dutifully Evelyn adjusted her stance right as Cassandra barreled at her. When she’d first woken up in Haven, Cassandra had frightened her. As a Seeker she was someone Evelyn feared implicitly as a mage, and it didn’t help that on top of that Cassandra had a glare that could kill a man. Also she was just strong enough to kick walls down and take down Iron Bull as well. There was no one better to train with, but by the Maker it was terrifying. 

Still-Evelyn held her ground, whipping her right arm up to block the incoming strike, and snapping around with her left hand to attempt to hit the shield away from Cassandra’s arm. 

The staff made a satisfying clang against the shield, and the slight grunt from Cassandra meant she’d at least hit it hard enough that she’d felt it at least. The pride of that moment was quickly undone when Cassandra hooked her cross guard under Evelyn’s and her sword went flying out of her hand. The moment it did the blade dissipated and the hilt went spinning uselessly to the ground. Instantly Evelyn’s staff was in both hands as Cassandra brought her blade down squarely at Evelyn’s head.

Her jaw gritted shut and her arms protested as her staff bore the brunt of the attack. Kicking out with one of her legs she managed to get Cassandra by the hip. It gave her enough of an opening to wheel away from the attack and instead swing around with her own weapon. She whacked her staff against Cassandra’s back as she scrambled for her blade. The moment it was in her hand it hummed with magic again. Just in time too. 

Cassandra’s sword came rushing at her side and Evelyn managed to get her sword in between her torso and the oncoming blade. Evelyn’s grip on her blade was starting to waver, but she didn’t want the bruise she would incur from the hit. So she endured. Cassandra backed her up, pressing her advantage, and even through Cullen yelling for her to press forward Evelyn just felt _ tired. _

She should have known it was coming. Any time she overdid it while fighting-her mind going a mile a minute-magic use focused elsewhere-

Evelyn’s left hand suddenly exploded with pain. Dropping her staff, her hand spasmed as green arcs of fade magic spewed forth from the Anchor, burning it where it touched. The acrid smell of sulfur penetrated her nose. Grasping at her left forearm with her right, she attempted to force the magic down. The pain was excruciating. She knew she had to be screaming-even if she couldn’t focus on that. 

Just as soon as it started, both Cullen and Cassandra were at her side, their own hands reaching for Evelyn’s arm. The smell of sulfur was overtaken by the sharp, metallic smell of Lyrium as both of them channeled their suppression magic into her. Evelyn had always hated the feeling of being Silenced-being cut off from the Fade was like losing her arms. But it was one of the only ways that her group of friends had found to deal with her problem.

The Anchor bit into her. It always felt like there were sparks running over her palm, but this was always worse. A thousand times worse. Thankfully, within a few painfully long moments, Cullen and Cassandra eased the pain down to a dull ache. When Evelyn’s senses finally returned to her, she was drenched with sweat, and felt weaker than anything. Cullen stared at her with open concern, the breastplate of his armor singed with the magic that just erupted with pain. 

“Evelyn? Are you alright?” He sounded terrified, and as Evelyn made to answer she swayed slightly, falling back into Cassandra’s chest. This only seemed to further his terror as Cullen let go of her arm, the Anchor still weakly pulsing with chaos. Evelyn found herself gathered up in Cullen’s arms and being whisked out of the ring. She wanted to protest and say she wasn’t a child, but all that came out was a low groan. 

He carried her all the way to the requisitions cabin, abandoned at this time of day as the team went to meet with suppliers down in the yard. She was gingerly placed in a chair, and Cassandra was immediately at her side with a flask of water, pressing it to her lips. Drinking the whole thing down, Evelyn coughed weakly, slumping over in the chair. 

“Inquisitor?” Cassandra’s voice was quiet compared to her usual bluster. Her hand was gentle on her shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Cassandra. Thank you.” She looked over at Cullen, equally fretful, “And you as well, Cullen. Maker only knows how long that would have lasted without you.” She managed a weak smile. “So much for training, eh?” She threw the joke in at the end, a small chuckle coming from all three of them. It broke the tension, as Evelyn slowly felt her strength and magic return to her. 

They sat for a few minutes with Evelyn, before the door to the office burst open. All three whirled around to see a disheveled Josephine standing in the doorway, panting. Her eyes were wide, her clothing not the immaculate set Evelyn was used to, and her hands bereft of pen and pad. They were all stunned until Cullen finally found his voice. 

“Lady Ambassador...is everything alright?” 

Josephine didn’t even bother answering him directly as she marched right over to Evelyn, standing in front of her chair with eyes glossed over with unshed tears. Cassandra cleared her throat, and Evelyn suddenly felt very small as Cullen and Cassandra exited. She managed to sit up a little taller in her chair, and looked up at Josephine with worry. 

“We shouldn’t be here alone together-People will talk-I should just-” Evelyn made to stand, wincing slightly at the effort. She was about to turn to go when Josephine’s hands, they were _ trembling- _sat against her clammy face. 

“Damn what they’ll say.” 

The words sent a rush of heat to Evelyn’s face as Josephine leaned in and kissed her, _ hard _. It was a sloppy kiss, not how they usually engaged with each other. Evelyn felt like she was drowning in it, and dimly she realized that Josephine actually was crying now. 

When they finally broke apart, Josephine leaned her forehead against Evelyn’s. She was taking in shuddering breaths. 

“When I heard you had fallen in the training yard I was worried-but then when I heard it was your _ Anchor _ that caused it I-I was terrified.” Josephine was talking fast, faster than she usually did, “I remember Leliana telling me how the Anchor almost killed you back in Haven and I was suddenly terrified that I was going to lose you-And that I hadn’t even been able to _ speak _ with you properly in weeks and-” She cut herself off, kissing Evelyn again, pouring her emotions into the kiss. She looked the Inquisitor straight in the eyes, grief plain.

“I just couldn’t bear the thought of it, Evelyn.”

Evelyn brought her right hand up to cover Josephine’s and pulled a smile onto her face. Josephine was such a romantic fool. And she surely loved her for it. She wanted to put her best face forward for Josie. She wanted to ease her worries, even a little. 

“I’m okay, Josie. Cullen and Cassandra helped me. It’s my fault, I hadn’t been paying attention to it, is all.” Evelyn pressed a small kiss on Josephine’s forehead, easing her face back a bit. 

Josephine frowned, removing her hands from Evelyn’s face to gingerly take Evelyn’s left hand in her own. Evelyn winced at the movement and wanted to yank it back the moment an arc of magic hit Josephine’s hands. Josephine bit her lip, but didn’t cry out at the singe of magic. She instead inspected the mark, running her fingers over it, studying carefully. 

“After you received this...I remember I asked you if it hurt.” Josephine began slowly, her eyes never leaving the mark. “You told me it didn’t bother you. But that was a lie, wasn’t it?”

“I didn’t want to trouble you with it. What could you have done?” It was a weak excuse, but Evelyn had to stick to it. “It feels like there’s a thousand pin pricks in my hand sometimes. Other days it’s completely numb. And sometimes...sometimes it does this.”

“Why didn’t you tell me after we got involved?”

“Josie, you already do so much for me-what else can I even ask of you?” Evelyn put her right hand over Josephine’s, “To ask you to take on this? A problem with no answer? I couldn’t do that to you.”

Josephine looked up at Evelyn, more somber than the two of them had ever been together. It worried Evelyn. Had she blown it at last? Was this the last straw? The fact that her hand may be killing her? Maker, she hoped not.

“We must share everything we can together, Evelyn. Between us there should be nothing but affection.” Josephine brought their joined hands to her chest, over her heart, “You have to trust that I can bear these burdens too.”

Evelyn felt like_ she _was going to cry now. How had she gotten so lucky? Even through everything going on Josephine still-

She stepped closer, squeezing Josephine’s hands. “Will you come to my quarters tonight?” She murmured, hopeful, “I know you said we should be discreet but…” _ I need you _ died on her lips, as she gazed into Josephine’s eyes, seeing how torn she was. They stood there, the only sound of the crackling hearth for a moment before the door behind them opened and they sprang apart. 

The requisition team had returned, and looked very confused. Thinking on her feet, Evelyn made a quick play for it, “Ah, see here they are Lady Ambassador! Perhaps they’ll know where your writing board is.” she pushed through them towards the door, “I’ll continue asking around for you elsewhere!”

Later on that night Evelyn waited at the edge of her bed for hours after the darkness fell. When she’d nearly given up hope, the door below finally cracked open and she watched as Josephine walked up the stairs with a lone candle and a shawl. She had a sad smile on her face as she blew the candle out. 

“I’ll have to leave before the sun rises.”

“Then we just have to make this time count.”

Josephine was in her arms almost as soon as the words left her throat. She slotted her face against Evelyn’s neck, arms wrapped around her waist. Evelyn felt calmer than she had in 2 weeks. She breathed in Josephine’s scent-Crystal Grace and honey-and the two fell to the bed and laid there for hours, talking and exchanging small kisses in the moonlight. 

By the time Evelyn fell asleep the moon was nearly out of the sky, and Josephine was moments from slipping from her bed. 

“_ Stay _.” It was a selfish request. 

Josephine placed a kiss on her forehead.

“_ Soon _.” Came the whispered promise. 

When Evelyn woke up, she realized that Josephine had left her shawl on the bed next to Evelyn’s pillow. 

\--

Evelyn knew she was doing something truly foolish when even Cullen couldn’t seem to believe her. She knew Dorian thought her plan romantic but foolhardy, and that Leliana had simply offered her the blackmail material to stop her from getting skewered on a blade. Cassandra wouldn’t have made it to the field without swooning at the romance of it all. But Cullen? 

She could usually count on Cullen to back her up when she had a slightly less than conventional plan. He had always reminded her of her twin, Maxwell, in his personality and posture. And if Maxwell couldn’t be here (Stuck at the Ostwick estate probably in the throes of Lyrium withdrawal, a thought that made her gut churn.) she would rather have Cullen. Despite the similarities (The fading scent of Lyrium, the occasional stick up the arse, and skill with a sword) sometimes it was hard to forget that Cullen wasn’t her twin and wouldn’t just go along with her wild plans because they were blood. 

“I still don’t understand why you won’t just let me duel in your stead,” he groused on the carriage ride into Val Royeaux. He was slumped over in his seat, arms crossed. He looked petulant over the whole ordeal. “Even beyond that, why didn’t you just bring Cassandra? She would have fought for you.”

“I’ll just come off as a coward or a bully if I send someone to duel in my stead, Cullen.” Evelyn explained, “And if I’d even breathed a word of this to Cassandra the whole of Skyhold would have known in an hour. It’s too romantic a plan for her to keep quiet about it.”

Cullen groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “So why am I here at all? Why not just go out with Dorian and Bull or something?”

“What, and have people accuse me of bewitching him? Or threatening him?” Evelyn threw her hands up in the air, “You know as well as I do that those two stand out too much. It makes the most sense for my Commander to be my Second. You’re capable and strong, and so painfully honest you could never be accused of trying to fix the fight.”

Cullen gave her a blank stare, unimpressed. 

“Aside from even that, you’re my friend and I thought maybe you’d want to support me.” Evelyn added at last, a little more quietly. 

She’d come up with this plan shortly after the incident with the Anchor. She couldn’t wait until the march to the Arbor Wilds. It was as Josephine had said a few days prior-She couldn’t bear the thought that she’d never be able to express herself again. She didn’t plan on dying in the Arbor Wilds but she also hadn’t planned on getting caught in the Fade either. She had to do this. She thought Cullen might have understood. 

Cullen softened some at that, running a hand through his hair. “I-_ Maker- _Of course I’m your friend and I want to support you it’s just...You’re not a very good swordswoman.”

“Ouch.”

“You can’t honestly tell me that you think that you’ve improved so much to be able to use a_ physical _ blade to fight a man who relishes in duels, do you?” Cullen was painfully frank, and Evelyn looked at the spirit sword hilt strapped to her thigh. He was right, of course, her swordsmanship was lacking. Cassandra had given up on putting an actual sword in her hand long ago, just letting her use the spirit blade she’d earned. She recognized that the only reason she was even effective with _ that _ blade was because it was pure magical energy and damaged everything it came in contact with, but she couldn’t _ not _ do this. 

“Love makes fools of us all, Cullen,” Evelyn finally admitted, throwing her hands up in the air, “I’ve never felt this way before in my entire life, not about anyone or anything. And that includes all my published research papers I did in the Ostwick Circle.” The earned a small laugh from Cullen so she pressed on, “I’m bad at romance but this is something I _ know _ is romantic. Something that’s public and makes me look serious.”

“Seriously _ stupid _ , you mean.” Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose, “Leliana is going to kill me over this. Because you’re going to _ die _ , which will make Josephine _ sad _ , which will cause Leliana to blame _ me, _ and then we’ll _ both _ be dead.” He gave Evelyn a grave look, “Is it too late for me to bail out of the carriage and walk back to Skyhold?”

“It is. We’re nearly there, and I know you’d hate to walk all that way.” Evelyn gave him a grin, “Besides, you want to watch me kick a pompous noble arsehole where it hurts, don’t you?”

“Says the noble,” Cullen rolled his eyes again, but a grin cracked over his face, “I hope this works Evelyn, otherwise we’re both in for it.”

Evelyn felt her nerves bubble up to the surface again, causing the grin on her face to do something wonky. She had been teetering on sheer panic and ridiculous joy for the whole trip. She wasn’t prone to reckless abandon, so this was just exhilarating for so many reasons. She could only hope it was enough to fix what had been put in place by Josephine’s family. And maybe not ruin her chances for spending the rest of her life with her. 

“I’ll be sure to take all the blame then, I promise.”

The two of them looked at each other, shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter before they both finally gave in to the absurdity of the situation and doubled over laughing in a wonderful release of tension. At least she’d go out laughing, if she ended up skewered on the end of Lord Otranto’s sword. 

\--

Before the last rush towards the Arbor Wilds, Evelyn was nervous. It was the night before the final push of her and her team, but they’d been slowly working through the forested land with their troops and allies. All the people who had been at Adamant were there, the ones who comforted her; Cullen with his plans and maps of different regions, Dorian with his quiet quips, Cassandra as her personal shield, and Cole who fretted about giving himself to everyone who needed him.

There were new additions to the usual crew, however. Empress Celene and Briala had made the journey and stood in their field command area with their own attachment of guards and soldiers. Some of the Wardens they’d helped to liberate were milling around and earning their keep. Morrigan, unnerving in her intensity and mysticism, always at the edge of Evelyn’s sight. And finally Josephine. 

In her loneliest days on the road, she would wish for Josephine to be in her bedroll so she could bury her face in her hair and hold her close. She wanted to be able to chat into the night about what she’d seen that day and how it could help the Inquisition. Actually having her _ here _ though, gave her significantly more anxiety than she thought it would. Out in the field there was so much that could go wrong, and Evelyn was acutely aware that if Josephine were kidnapped or hurt she’d never forgive herself. 

In Skyhold, even when she was being pursued by assassins, Evelyn never worried about her being safe. Leliana’s people were very thorough and Evelyn had made sure that even two ordinary guards always stood watch outside her office. Evelyn was secure in knowing that Josephine was safe behind towering walls and many, _ many _ soldiers.

Out here in the field Evelyn could barely let her out of her sight, lest her heart start pounding out of her chest with anxiety. The fighting was far away from the encampment but it still was a worry. A threat. Josephine was starting to catch onto it though. She found it cute at first, Evelyn imagined, but as 2 weeks dragged on the fact that no one could seem to see the Ambassador without the Inquisitor was in earshot was not so charming. 

The sun had already set, and the camp was quiet, the sounds of fires crackling and weapons being sharpened. There weren’t many awake, just those who were standing guard. But Evelyn couldn’t sleep. She’d never been able to sleep the night before a mission. Her field tent wasn’t small by any means, and her bedroll wasn’t uncomfortable, but…

Her feet dragged her to Josephine’s much larger tent without even meaning to. There was the telltale glow of a lantern against the dark panels of the tent, and Evelyn could hear Josephine’s quiet muttering over her work. She smiled beside herself, her mind’s eye conjuring the image of Josephine’s scrunched up nose and bent over her writing table as she did late at night. 

She was loathe to leave without seeing Josephine, but after quite a few sharp looks throughout the day, Evelyn knew she’d outstayed her welcome around the ambassador. She strayed outside the tent a few moments more, enjoying the quiet of the moment, before turning to make her way back to her own tent. She had preparations of her own to make before the battle tomorrow. Her armor needed to be checked over, and her staff and hilt needed to be polished and centered. She actually needed to sleep, something that would take longer than usual given her nerves. 

She’d only managed to get a few steps away before she heard the telltale rustle of canvas. She stopped, hoping. 

“Evie?” 

The sound of her nickname against the night air caused her to turn. Josephine was already in her nightgown, her hair let down from it’s usual chignon to a loose twist laying across her shoulder. A light shawl was wrapped around her shoulders as well. The tips of her fingers were still stained with ink. 

Maker, she was beautiful.

“Why are you still awake?”Josephine came fully out of her tent, pulling her shawl closer against the chill of the night. 

Evelyn closed the distance between the two of them again, a small smile on her face. “I could ask the same of you, Josie.” Feeling a little impish despite the situation, she held out a hand while tilting her head slightly, “Care for a walk?”

Josephine wrinkled her nose at that, rolling her eyes, before taking Evelyn’s open hand and tugging her back into her tent. Evelyn couldn’t help but laugh as she was pulled in. Josephine looked appropriately miffed with her, but as Evelyn grinned at her, she couldn’t fight her own smile at her partner. 

“You’re _ impossible _ . First you follow me about this whole campaign and now you want midnight walks in a war zone?” Josephine dropped Evelyn’s hand to frame the mage’s face with both of her hands. The look she leveled Evelyn with was fond but incredulous. “You fight a _ single _ duel in public and suddenly you’re bolder than a chevalier?”

Evelyn covered Josephine’s hands in her own. She brought her forehead against Josephine’s. “After embarrassing myself so thoroughly? Absolutely. I think I’ve earned the right to be a little bolder in my love for you.”

She wasn’t lying. The duel had not gone as planned. (Though how she thought she was going to win a duel dramatically was something she still wondered about.) If it hadn’t been for Josephine’s timely entrance, she would have lost for sure. And while blurting out that she loved her wasn’t the way she’d _ intended _ to admit her heart’s fondest secret...it certainly had done the trick. Evelyn couldn’t regret that, even if her pride still stung every time Cullen brought it up. 

Josephine let out a petulant huff, rolling her eyes again at her. Only alone could the Ambassador act so childish. Evelyn loved it. “You are _ ridiculous. _ You know I love you, but Maker, do you test me sometimes.” Despite that, Josephine still pressed a kiss to Evelyn’s lips, soft and sweet. She lingered there for a few moments, their breath mingling, before she pulled back again. 

“But truly, why are you still awake? You have a trying day ahead of you.”

Evelyn shrugged, pulling Josephine’s hands down from her face to hold in between them. “It’s always been this way the day before something important for me. From my Harrowing to now, I’ve never been able to sleep properly before something important.”

“Did that include your ill advised duel?” Josephine teased, leaning in slightly with a telling smirk on her face.

“...Yes.” Evelyn flushed, breaking their eye contact. It felt silly to be embarrassed about that portion of her harebrained scheme and yet-the idea that she was too excited and nervous about it all to sleep was childish. She hazarded a glance back up at Josephine, who Evelyn was surprised to see blushing. “Does that surprise you?” She finally asked, head tilting slightly. 

“A little. It’s just...in the face of everything you do for the Inquisition; Fighting dragons, traveling to the Fade, storming an elven temple...A duel for my hand seems so pedestrian. Trivial.” Josephine admitted, her fingers twitching against her chest in Evelyn’s loose grip. 

Well that wouldn’t do at all. 

“Josephine, you’re one of the most important people in all of Thedas to me.” Evelyn dropped to one knee in front of her, the way she’d seen her brother do countless times in front of a high ranking lord. Still holding Josephine’s hands, she squeezed them. “Thedas would burn at my hand if anything happened to you. I’d catch the stars for you if you asked. You’re so important to me-if anything happened to you I-” she paused, suddenly choked with fear again at her own nightmares, “Of course I lost sleep over something so important. How could you doubt that?”

Josephine’s lips parted in surprise, her face’s flush deepening in the flickering candlelight. She was captivating. 

“Goodness I-”

The moment was broken by the sound of some of the night time guards chatting as they made their rounds. Evelyn nearly dropped Josephine’s hands, and with the moment broken, she felt her ears burn with rising embarrassment. She felt like a fool for kneeling like this, all of a sudden. She couldn’t imagine what someone might think if they walked in. Her brief moment of bravely squandered, she made to stand, but was stopped by Josephine.

“Wait.” Josephine caught her before she could even get her knee off of the ground. Evelyn looked up at her, sheepishly. “All of Thedas?” She whispered, a little conspiratorial. 

“Aside from the land the Montilyet family holds.” Evelyn amended, with a sort of breathless chuckle. 

“Such _ passion _, my lady.” Josephine sounded a little breathless herself, lowering herself in her nightgown to match Evelyn. Her smile was a little uneven, as if she was fighting laughter. 

“Only for you, Lady Montilyet.” Evelyn responded, giving in to her laughter. “I apologize. I got swept up a bit there, didn’t I?”

“Never you mind that, it was romantic...in it’s own way,” Josephine giggled. “Now that you’ve spent so much time on the floor of my tent, do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?” Her eyes flickered to her cot, suspended off of the ground with a significantly nicer bedroll than Evelyn was used to traveling with. It was tempting. 

“Well, I can’t leave after making a fool of myself, right?” Evelyn brought the two of them to their feet. “I’ll have to leave before the morning breaks though.” She warned, as Josephine led her to her bedside.

“If we can get any sleep before that, it will be worth it. I’ve missed your arms around mine.” Josephine admitted, pulling Evelyn down into her embrace under a few silken blankets. “It is frustrating that you and I are in the same place and yet cannot share a bed.”

“Oh, so you’ve felt that way too?” Evelyn murmured, already starting to feel drowsy just by the virtue of laying down with Josephine, “You know we’d be too big a target if we shared a tent. It’ll be over soon, I promise.” She pressed a kiss against Josephine’s lips, lingering there for a few more soft kisses before locking eyes with the Ambassador. “I love you. Sweet dreams, Josie.”

“I love you too, Evie. Sleep well.”

And surprisingly, she did.

Even if Cullen had to sneak her out of Josephine’s tent in the pre-dawn hours of the day. 

\--

There was a disconnect between what Evelyn was doing, and where her mind was. Her mind was back in Skyhold, bidding farewell to Josephine, pressing gentle kisses to her drowsy lips. They’d left so early that even their ambassador hadn’t fully risen. 

Evelyn had promised she would come to bed earlier that night, but had lied. She’d spent her entire night up with Cullen, dozing only slightly as the two finalized their plans to finish this once and for all. Morrigan had joined them, and then her entire Inner Circle as they determined the best way to just end this all. 

And then she’d spent her last hour in Skyhold up in her quarters writing letters. So many letters. To her brothers, her parents, her Inner Circle...to Josephine. She knew she was strong. That she was ready. But she had fought this madman before and lost. She’d dropped a mountain on herself and almost hadn’t walked away. She wanted to account for them all. To let them know how she felt. She wanted Josephine to _ know _ how much she loved her. 

The words hadn’t come easily. How did one quantify love? The hours spent in each others company? She’d been a researcher in a long past life, but found herself unable to put into words everything she felt. 10 pages worth of words bundled up with a sprig of Elfroot, left on Josephine’s desk. 

When she’d finally finished, ink still staining her fingers, she sat in a chair by her bed and simply watched Josephine sleep. Tried to memorize everything about her. She’d done this before. And her memory was sharp still, but these moments-fresh and precious-she wanted them burned in the space behind her eyes as she fought. They would keep her strong. 

She’d kissed Josephine awake, bidding her goodbye while holding back tears. The Ambassador was so tired from the past few days of preparations she couldn’t shake the sleep from her mind long enough to try to stop Evelyn from leaving. She gave her a sleepy smile and an ‘I love you’ before slipping back into sleep. 

Now, on the back of her horse, riding down the Frostbacks to where this all began...her mind was still there-in her chambers, looking at Josephine’s sleeping form. It was a miracle she’d ever left. But to protect Josephine...she had to do this. 

Eyes set on the hole burning in the sky, Evelyn felt her determination swell up in her. She could do this. She had to.

\--

The party had dragged on into the early morning hours of dawn. Evelyn was exhausted. She’d slept in catches in the week long journey back to Skyhold, but she hadn’t expected Josephine to have a celebration waiting for her when she returned. She should have known better.

There was the matter of the kiss on the steps of Skyhold, tears falling from Josephine’s eyes as she scolded her for leaving without letting her properly say goodbye. The kiss had been scalding, and while it had energized her then, she felt boneless now. 

Climbing the stairs to her quarters with Josephine was the last activity she was going to do for days, she resolved. She wouldn’t leave for anything. Food could be brought to her. She had just saved the world after all. 

Watching the sun rise on a new day, both literally and symbolically, Evelyn’s face cracked open with a yawn.

“Sorry, sorry to ruin the moment,” Evelyn apologized, her words distorted as she tried to speak through the tail end of the yawn, “I’m just exhausted.”

“What happened to the researcher who stayed up countless nights in a row to get an answer?” Josephine teased, wrapping an arm around her waist, the other resting over Evelyn’s heart. 

“Long gone, and replaced with an exhausted savior of Thedas.” Another face splitting yawn, “I’m sorry, Josie, I need to sleep.”

“I can’t believe it what it finally took to get you to actively try to sleep was to have the world nearly end.” Josephine teased on, but started guiding Evelyn to the edge of her bed. “But I agree. You need to rest, and so do I.”

Evelyn nodded blearily, starting to reach for the clasps of her jacket, but Josephine’s hands batted hers away. She blinked, surprised, but the look Josephine leveled at her caused her to simply raise her hands in defeat. Slowly and carefully, Josephine peeled off her jacket and and unfastened the shirt beneath. Evelyn shrugged out of the jacket and allowed Josephine to tug the shirt over her head with only a passing thought to maybe tighten her muscles to make them look a little more impressive. 

Josephine’s eyes roamed all over Evelyn’s torso, until finally they landed on a nasty patch of marred skin above her left hip. The wound had been left by Corypheus’s pet dragon, when Evelyn had pushed Morrigan’s prone form out of the way during the battle. 

She’d had no time for a graceful healing with Dorian busy raising hell on the other side of the monster, so she’d bit down on the grip of her sword and brought a burning hand to her side. She’d cauterized wounds on others before, but the pain had been excruciating when performing the action on herself. Almost enough to make her own vision go white in pain. She’d screamed herself raw, and brought a healing potion to her lips to chase the pain away and carried on. All the while hoping the claws weren’t poisoned. 

They hadn’t been. And Dorian had chastised her for not hailing him when he saw the ugly shape against her side. He’d done what he could to lessen the scar’s size, and helped with the pain, but the damage had been done. She’d always have a memory of the fight now. 

The way Josephine’s eyes started to glisten with tears made her stomach churn in guilt. She’d agonized over her first scar from battle, and how it drew a definitive line between her old life in the Tower and this new world where wolves left bite scars on her shoulder. She’d never been vain, but for Josephine, as always there was an exception. 

Josephine’s hand was warm against the wound, still slightly tender. Evelyn hissed at the heat, a brief reminder of the moment she’d gotten the scar. She moved her arm out of the way, twisting slightly to give her a better view. “Careful. It’s sealed, but don’t upset it.” Her voice was almost a whisper, not wanting to startle Josephine.

“How did it happen?” The words were wobbly and wet. 

“My barrier went down at the worst time, and I had to save Morrigan. It was deep, so I fixed it myself.” A sarcastic chuckle, “Dorian yelled at me for wasting my time and doing a worst job for it.”

Josephine’s fingers traced the edges of the scar, and Evelyn shivered bodily. The scar itself was raw nerve endings that she knew would dull until the scar barely had any feeling in it, but for now where it met the unmarred skin was especially sensitive. Still, she held as still as she could for Josephine. 

“Surely it should be wrapped?” Josephine couldn’t take her eyes off of the angry mark. 

“Dorian trusts I won’t purposefully ruin my skin. Besides that, I had a whole week of healing while we rode back. It’s fine, Josephine.” To prove her point, she took Josephine’s wrist and press the hand that was experimentally prodding around the wound right against it. She fought the shudder at the sensation, and managed a smile. “See?”

“You...” Josephine shook her head, leaning it against Evelyn’s shoulder. Evelyn brought her free hand around the woman’s shoulders to cradle her head as tears began to drip onto her collarbone. Josephine’s quiet sobs filled the space in the room as Evelyn gently hushed her and stroked her neck. 

So often she’d been the one to be comforted by Josephine, it felt good to be the comforter for once. 

“I’m here. I made it back. And now the only thing that we need to worry about is people sending me marriage proposals.” Evelyn teased, placing a kiss against the crown of Josephine’s head. She managed another minute or two of holding the woman, before a yawn passed through her lips again. 

“I’m sorry, you’re still so tired-” Josephine raised her head, and Evelyn shushed her again.

“It’s fine. I’m already halfway ready for bed. All I need to do is get out of these pants and boots and I’ll be ready for sleep.”

“Are you not going to wear a nightgown?”

“Depends. Are _ you _?” 

Josephine smacked her shoulder, even as she flushed with a giggle. Evelyn’s smile grew soft, and she snuck a kiss against Josephine’s cheek. “I’m teasing you again. I’m sorry. Come to bed with me, please?”

“Always.”

They sealed it with a kiss.

\--

Without the need to go out every other week to deal with rifts, Evelyn wondered if she was getting out of shape with actual combat. She still trained with Cassandra and Cullen, and still went on minor expeditions, but she found herself missing her old ways. 

Suddenly thrown back into being a researcher and paperwork jockey, a thing she once yearned for; She was a bit discontented with it. She still loved the thrill of finding something new, but the whole affair reminded her of the life she’d be spared when she became a Circle mage. 

She’d spent the last few months as a teacher as well, helping young mages while the new Colleges were being built around Thedas. Leliana had made good on her promises, and Evelyn was more than happy to step in and help in the intervening moons. 

She also liked the fact that Josie thought her being a teacher was very endearing. She was still always trying to impress her, even now. And it was nice to go back to her roots back at the Circle. But only a little. 

What peace did afford her though, was the ability to fall asleep with Josephine in her arms, and wake to her smile in the morning. And she couldn’t trade that for the world.

—

The pain was getting harder to hide from Josephine. They spent so much time together that Evelyn knew her every emotion and tic. The road went both ways though, and the fact that the Anchor had gotten worse only made the whole thing harder.

She’d discreetly gone to Vivienne in Val Royeaux, trusting her former comrade’s discretion. The prognosis hadn’t been favorable. Vivienne promised she’d reach out to Dorian to attempt to get his opinion, but she didn’t want to promise anything.

_ “We always knew the magic was dangerous, darling. And without Solas to tame it this time, I fear we have no recourse other than Silencing you when it flares up.” _

She’d genuinely sounded sad for Evelyn, sending her on her way with tonics and potions meant to try and help with chronic pain. Cullen’s powers as a Templar were nearly gone, and she didn’t trust any of the Templars still taking lyrium with the secret of her pain. So Cassandra was her constant shadow, ready at any time to aid Evelyn in her time of need. 

But there were nights where it spat out angry and sulfurous bolts of green light, her arm feeling like it was attempting to enter the Fade without her. She felt like she was being pulled in twain and it took all she had to not cry out in anguish. Instead she would stumble out of bed onto the open balcony and let the winds of the Frostbacks cool the fever rising in her skin, and help focus herself enough to press the pain down. 

But it only worked some of the time. There were other nights when she couldn’t fight the whimpering, with hissing pain arcing up her limb. The way the magic seemed to seep into her veins and turn her skin pallid. Where she’d curl around her fist, biting down on her lip enough to almost cause bleeding. When tears were inevitable as she realized that this wasn’t sustainable. 

This was going to kill her. 

And Josephine-beautiful, wonderful Josephine, would be left picking up the pieces of the Inquisition left behind in her explosive wake. 

But before that she had to watch Evelyn writhe in pain in their bed, sweat drenched and weak. 

Evelyn hated for Josephine to see her like that. Had always, and would always hate it. But it was comforting to have Josephine there, her voice low and sweet in her ear as her mind reemerged from the Fade. It was still frustrating though. To have no control over something she’d wielded for years now. 

Josephine’s kisses were a minor balm, but after the night terrors and pain from the Anchor kept her up at night, she wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

\--

She had a ring. 

Had _ had _ this ring for well over a year at this point after bribing Josephine’s ring size out of her little sister. It was little more than a formality, she knew, after everything they’d been through. The whole of Thedas knew that the Inquisitor and her Ambassador were intertwined. And Evelyn was glad of that. Especially since it meant the amount of marriage proposals aimed at her had all but ceased. 

It wasn’t a particularly ostentatious thing. Dorian’s letter with advice on the latest Tevintar jewelry trends were helpful but unnecessary. No. What she wanted to give Josephine was small and personal. Something that wouldn’t get in the way of her work. Or distract people. 

She’d found the jewel herself while mining for minerals, and used summer stone she also harvested to create the ring. Harritt and Dagna were more than happy to help her create something personal. And thanks to Harritt’s infamous gruffness, and Dagna’s insatiable need for more research, her secret was safe. 

She wanted to make the proposal special. She thought about the garden where they spent so much time exchanging kisses. She did research of making some magical atmosphere, reaching out to Vivienne who had done such things for the Court in Orlais. But there wasn’t a lot for her to go on. And she was tired. All the time.

The summit at the Winter Palace was a trial enough as it was. She was glad to see all of her former companions, back again, but hated the reason they’d been brought together. Disbanding the Inquisition seemed to be the right thing to do. They’d done what they set out to do, and frankly Evelyn was tired of people looking to her for the answers. But then what would she do after?

Go back to the College of Magi and teach? Be a researcher again? After everything she’d been through, to return to that part of her life seemed...dissatisfying. There had always been the option to return to Ostwick and rejoin the family. It would be hard to call her an outcast now that she’d saved all of Thedas. It would be nice to spend time with her nieces and nephew; To see her twin and her big brother again. 

But it would take her from Josephine. And that was more important. Josephine had talked about what she would do if the Inquisition ever ended. She would reclaim her place as head of the Montilyets and then lead them to greatness. She would flush then, a little embarrassed. At least she would _ try _ to, she would always amend.

There were doubtlessly Circles in Antiva that would love to have her teach there, and after hearing so much about Antiva, she was keen to explore it. 

But to do that would mean finding a legitimate excuse to stay with Josephine. 

Hence the ring. 

Hence her reminding herself that she didn’t _ need _ the ring, Josephine would welcome her into her house without any fuss. But-

Well, all of this was to say that Evelyn had a ring stowed in her saddle bags as they rode into the Winter Palace’s gates. 

And all of this was even supposing her arm didn’t kill her before she got the chance to give her the ring. A chance that was growing slimmer each day, it seemed. 

\--

She didn’t have time for a long, drawn out goodbye. There never seemed to be any _ time _ when it came to saying goodbye to Josephine. She didn’t want to fall apart on her either though, so perhaps it was for the best that she couldn’t tell her all the ways she loved her. 

She was dying. And Josephine knew it now. The look in her eyes as she kissed Evelyn in the war room told her all she needed to know. That Josephine had suspected, that she may have even _ known _all along. 

She wished she had more _ time _-

But fate was cruel and always had been for her. Even when it had led her to Josephine, it still inevitably led her to her death. 

Still.

If she was going to die, she wanted to leave something to quantify her love. So the ring she’d kept for over a year (That had been hidden in a drawer filled with practical magic notes where Josephine wouldn’t look.) was left on top of Josephine’s note board. Her scrawl, usually messy and quick, wrote a neat note underneath. 

_ Yours always, _

_ Evelyn. _

_ I love you. _

As she chased the Qunari, and even the one behind them-_ Solas it had to be Solas she should have known _-she had to stop this plot. If only so Josephine could wake up and see the ring she’d left for her at last.

\--

It was a funny thing, amputation. Evelyn knew, logically, that her arm wasn’t there. It laid half a foot away from her, after she’d taken her own sword to her flesh. But she could almost feel her fingers flexing in relief that the pain of it all was gone. She’d taken care of it at last. She knew it was a stupid thing to do-but she’d made an even cut of it. Dimly she thought: _ Not a bad job. _

Dorian and Cassandra were arguing over her, trying to keep her steady as she felt the magic start to worm up her arm and try to reach for her heart. She knew she didn’t have the luxury of time. She knew her body, and believed Solas when he said he’d only given her the grace to not explode from her arm outward. She would die. 

But what about Josephine?

That thought alone brought her right hand reaching for her sword's hilt, her staff long since discarded. Cassandra noticed her intent a second too late as she channeled what little mana she had left into her blade. The slice was clean-and the relief was almost instant.

The pressure from her head lifted, since the Fade wasn’t trying to pull her in half anymore. The only problem now was the fact that without that distraction, the very real pain from cutting off her arm overtook her. She felt her eyes roll back into her head, and she slumped uselessly against Cole. 

Even as she was passing out, she couldn’t believe that it worked. Maybe she wouldn’t die after all. 

If the shock didn’t take her, that was. Or the blood loss. Maybe this had been a stupid idea. She’d die to being stupid after all.

But Josie wouldn’t forgive her for that. 

So she tightened her grip of Cassandra’s armor and gritted her teeth through the pain as Dorian worked on her. She was aware she’d been lifted in the air-Cassandra must have picked her up-and Cole was holding out the stump that used to be her left arm. 

“I have to go to the Council.” She managed to grit out, sweat and grime plastered over her face, “I need to go see Josephine.”

“You’re losing blood every second we walk, and you’ve just lost your bloody arm-Josephine and that damned Council can wait.” Dorian hissed at her, his hands glowing as the skin around her elbow tried to knit itself closed. “You managed to not cut at the bone too badly but I need to make sure whatever was eating your arm won’t spread.”

“Just cauterize it. I don’t have time!” Evelyn tried her damndest to look angry and important, but her eyes weren’t focusing as well as they usually did, blurry with tears and sweat. 

“Not if I don’t have to, you stubborn arse!” Dorian was furious, she could tell, and as they stepped through the Eluvian, Vivienne was already waiting. “Thank the Maker, Vivienne, I need you!”

Without another second wasted, Vivienne was at her side, hands going to work.

“What happened? Was it the Anchor?”

“No, she cut the damned thing off herself.”

“Technically it _ was _ the Anchor,” Evelyn weakly tried to defend herself, “The magic could have reached my heart and killed me.”

“Then we need to check her heart. Cassandra dear, could you do away with her armor?” Vivienne was deadly focused as Evelyn was almost tossed onto a chaise. Quick hands from Cassandra and then Sera who had come to help made quick work of her armor. Then there was a healing potion being brought to her lips, which she weakly swallowed. 

“I still need to get to the Council-” Evelyn’s coughing was interrupted by her own screams as Vivienne pressed her hand to her shoulder. Evelyn looked down and saw the telltale green glow of the Anchor still trying to travel up, and she felt her veins burning as Vivienne attempted to force it out. Sera was tightening a tourniquet against her arm. 

“Sorry, Inky, but you’ll die if we let you go, yeah?” She shoved a rag in Evelyn’s mouth, “And bite down on this.”

Dutifully, Evelyn gritted her teeth against the rag, tears streaming down her face as Vivienne essentially _ pulled _ the rest of the corruption out of her onto the palace marble. It sizzled angrily there, spitting magically energy as it finally died down. 

“Alright, Evie. Now I’ll cauterize the damn thing.” Dorian’s voice seemed distant, and she felt hands hold her down as the pain that had only been a dull throb became something far more potent. Stars flew over her vision, and she fought the shivers of shock as her skin burned. The smell was horrible. 

The rag was taken from her mouth as her screams turned to whimpers and it was replaced with another healing potion. Finally, she was willing to look down where her arm used to be. There were still small green lightning strikes of scars running up from where she’d made the slice. The stump was an angry red, but sealed. It would have to do. 

“I need my dress uniform.” 

Dorian paused in his bandaging, shooting her a withering look. He opened his mouth to speak, ready to protest but Evelyn waved a hand at him.

“The longer I’m away the more questions they’ll ask. The worse it gets for all of us. I want to make a clean break of it.” Evelyn looked towards Cole, holding the red outfit, “Cole, help me, please?” She pleaded, standing on shaky legs and walking towards him. 

The youth wordlessly came to Evelyn and helped her shrug out of the rest of her ruined armor. He helped her get the dress uniform on, murmuring assurances to her as he went. 

_ “She’ll survive, she’s stronger than all of us.” _He whispered, pulling the thoughts from one of her friends. He tied the sash at her waist and nodded to her.

“Wait,” Vivienne closed the distance and with a pin pulled from somewhere, folded and pinned the sleeve of her left arm. She twisted her fingers in the air and the blood and grime of Evelyn’s near death experience slid away, leaving her looking only frail instead of on death’s doorstep. “I wouldn’t have you go out there not looking your best, Darling.” Vivienne pressed a kiss against her cheek, a small spark of healing magic energizing Evelyn. 

“Thank you. All of you. For everything.” Evelyn choked out, fighting back tears for a reason other than pain. All of these people had been through so much at her side. They’d saved her life more times than she could count. They were here with her at the end of the road. 

Cassandra came to her side, offering an arm, holding the Book of the Inquisition at her side. “Shall we?”

“Yes.”

Josephine was waiting for her. 

\--

It felt so final to drop the book that had ruled her life for the past few years onto the ground. It felt good to look at everyone’s disbelieving faces, and stare each of them down. To force them to see how much she’d given up to save them all. 

She’d barely had the mind to call for Josephine to follow her as she exited the chambers. She knew the woman followed though, by the sound of her heels against the marble. And Evelyn was glad that she had followed, because once the doors shut behind them her strength faded as the adrenaline stopped thundering through her veins. She stumbled forward, and was caught by Josephine’s arms. 

“What happened to you?” There were fresh tears in Josephine’s eyes as she gripped Evelyn tightly, not letting her go. 

“I came back.” Evelyn didn’t have the words to explain it all yet, but managed a grimace, “I came back to you. Whatever it took.”

“Evie-” 

She swayed again, and this time all that had happened in the last 12 hours caught up to her and she fell against both her beloved and Cassandra, who’d waited outside the chambers for her. 

When she woke, she was in a bed, uniform traded in for a simple shirt and bandages all across her shoulder to her left elbow. She instinctively tried to sit up using her left arm, to turn to where Josephine usually sat or slept, but she fell forward over her missing limb crying out in surprise. The pain throbbed through the stump, and she grabbed at it with her right hand, fighting the grunt of pain that wanted to tear forth.

“Oh, _ Evie _,” Josephine’s voice was still watery, as she reached over the edge of the bed where she sat to help her sit up. Josephine’s hands were warm against her skin, and as Evelyn looked up at her, she couldn’t fight her tears. 

It hit her what she’d done. 

Her left hand gone. Her staff hand, the one she used to cut meat. The one that flipped through pages as she wrote fevered notes. The one that helped her hold Josephine tightly, and had learned every curve of the woman before her. What was she supposed to be without it? Without the Anchor? 

Just some hobbled mage? Someone of no use to anyone. Certainly not someone worthy of the hand of a noble. 

She felt like a child, crying in Josephine’s arms. She didn’t know how long she cried for, but it was long enough that Josephine had stopped her tears already. 

“Cassandra and Dorian told me what happened.” Josephine finally whispered, “To think that Solas could be so cruel…” She pressed a kiss to the top of Evelyn’s head, “I can only thank the Maker that you came back.”

“Even like this?” It was easy to be self deprecating. Even when Evelyn knew that Josephine hated how she would wallow. She pushed herself up further with her only arm, and locked eyes with Josephine, “Even without a bloody arm?”

Josephine framed her face with her hands, eyes serious. “You walked through the Fade. You had an artifact of untold power poison your hand with magic. You had to choose to cut your own arm off or _ die. _” She paused, taking in a shuddering breath, “I am always thankful when you come back to me. Regardless of the new scars.”

Evelyn shuddered, blinking away some of her tears, “I wanted to come back to you. More than anything.” She sniffed, shaking her head, “But I dissolved the Inquisition. And I wasted all of our hard work by failing to notice that Solas was behind it all.”

“But now we are able to do the work we must in secret. Away from his eyes. And you can put down your burden.” Josephine soothed, “We all knew it couldn’t last forever. This was the best way for us to continue to do good.”

“How are you always able to see the best in situations? Even after I undid your weeks of negotiations?” Evelyn managed a smile, wobbly as it was. 

“Well, I am the best Ambassador in Thedas,” Josephine mused, a smirk on her face. She pressed a kiss to Evelyn’s lips, gentle as could be, “And it helps that I know I’ll face whatever comes next with you.”

Evelyn felt like the air got knocked out of her. Could she dare to hope?

“You’d stay with me?” Evelyn could barely get the words out. She couldn’t believe it. 

“With the woman I love?” Josephine pressed another kiss to her lips, “To the woman who helped restore my house, who dueled for my hand, who fought the Dread Wolf to come back to me? Always.”

She’d let Josephine believe her punching Solas constituted a fight, but she laughed at her. Her heart swelled, “Thank you.” It seemed foolish to say, but the worry in her gut that hadn’t gone away since the day she’d forged the ring finally diminished. “I love you.”

Josephine brought her hands down so Evelyn could finally see her ring twinkling against her left ring finger, and simply drunk in the happiness on Josephine’s face-making it another of those memories she’d savor for the rest of her life.

\--

“It’s certainly the most functional one we’ve come up with yet,” Evelyn mused, flexing the wooden fingers on her left arm, “It lets the magic seep in much quicker.” 

Dagna made a pleased noise, scribbling down some notes. 

“You can thank Dorian for that. He sent me some blueprints from Tevintar for similar prosthetics. Said this might suit you better.”

Evelyn hummed in response. She took the arm in slowly. It was hewn from the highest quality wood, polished and sealed against any wear. It mirrored her right arm enough to almost fool her. Her magic flowed through it, much like her spirit blade once had. It _ felt _ like it was her arm. But as she rested it against the table she frowned. Nothing would give it the illusion of touch. That sensation would be gone to her forever there.

“I think we’ve finally got it then.” Evelyn reached for the straps of the arm and unhooked it slowly. The arm fell into her right hand softly from the mount below her elbow. They had been at it for a few weeks now, as everything around them was being packed up and sent to different places around Thedas. 

“Great! I’ll work on a few replacements in case anything happens to this one, and keep prototyping from wherever I end up next.” Dagna was cheery as she wrapped the arm in a soft length of fabric. She held it up for Evelyn to tuck under her arm, “Gonna surprise the Lady Ambassador with it?”

Evelyn laughed, shaking her head, “No, that’d be cruel. She knew I was working on it.” She was the reason Evelyn had opted for wood into of metal. Too cold, Josephine had admitted to her, a little embarrassed. She knew _ why _ she said it would be too cold, but it Evelyn had indulged in teasing her for a little bit before relenting. 

“Well then. I’ll be on my way. I’ll send them along with the rest of your stuff to that estate.” Dagna puffed out her chest, nodding, “It’s been an honor, Your Worship.”

“It’s been a pleasure, Dagna. Take care.”

Evelyn bowed to the young dwarf before making her way out of the Undercroft with her prize. It was sad, seeing it so empty after she’d spent so much time down there with Dagna, enchanting armors and weapons. But with the disbandment, everything had to go to other places now. Even her.

She found Josephine up in the main hall, no longer wearing her Ambassadorial chain, but rather a fashionable and simple dress. She still had her note board in hand as she chatted with a worker about where a pallet worth of goods was going. She looked lighter than she had in the last few months, and while the last month had been a trial as they navigated dismantling an organization as large as the Inquisition, she seemed happier. 

Even having to deal with all the headaches this process granted her, Evelyn was happy too. She was free. She still had her spies working tirelessly to unroot Solas and his plot, and she was glad for the deep coffers she still had to be able to pay them for their work even without the structure of the Inquisition. The money assured that they’d be compensated and that she wouldn’t ever have a need for money herself. That was a relief, given she’d never had to manage her funds herself. 

It also helped that she was marrying into a mercantile noble family as well, but that was neither here nor there. 

Josephine finally finished with the laborer and caught her eyes. The smile that lit across her face was unchecked and radiant. Evelyn felt her heart do a little flip, and felt herself grin back. She was glad that Josephine still made her feel like butterflies were eating their way out of her. It was a good sign. 

Walking over to her, she raised the bundle under her arm towards Josephine. “I think I finally have a winner.”

Josephine tucked her board beneath an arm, and reached out for the bundled up fabric. She took it carefully, and bit her lip. “May I see it here? Or go to my office...?”

“I’d hate to scare what’s left of the troops with it, so in your office would be nice.” Evelyn brushed past the noble, and opened the door to what was left of Josephine’s office. There were only a few chairs and a shoddy desk here now. Most of Josephine’s books and records had already been safely shipped away back to Antiva. There had been plenty of people who had pledged directly to the Inquisitor, not the Inquisition, so Josephine wisely had those promises saved for future business dealings. 

It was a little sad to see the office, once so cozy and familiar, reduced to what it had been before they’d settled. Still, the fireplace was lit and the chairs by it weren’t uncomfortable. She took a seat, waiting for Josephine to unwrap her new tool. 

Josephine used delicate hands to unwrap the cloth around it and let out a soft gasp as she ran her fingers across the wood. She picked it up in her hands and seemed to weigh it. Holding it close, she turned to Evelyn. 

“It’s certainly handsome. Far more sophisticated than your previous attempts.”

“Thank you. Dagna and I made sure to put it through the stress tests.” She rested her hand in her lap, and raised the stump of her left arm, “And I figured you should know how it works too, since you’ll probably have to help me with it.”

Josephine chuckled, closing the distance between them, resting a hand on Evelyn’s left shoulder. “Of course. Just tell me what to do.”

Evelyn held her left arm out, and gestured for Josephine to line up the wooden arm with it. “There are two straps that hook into each other, here see?” She pointed to them, “They just need to hook around my arm. Then my magic will finish the rest.”

Josephine’s fingers carefully hooked the arm into place and the moment it nestled into the groove of her arm, Evelyn focused on it. There was a small rune engraved in the slot where her flesh met it, and activating it let her magic flow through it, just as if it were her own. Josephine’s hands slowly let go and after a moment of anticipation, Evelyn wiggled the fingers on her left hand. 

Josephine gave a delighted gasp, and Evelyn laughed at the whole moment. She was glad she _ could _ laugh, after the trials of getting here. The first week after she lost her arm, suddenly the world was so must harder to walk through, and without Josephine she would have been lost. Had even considered the thought that she _ couldn’t _ do it, in her worst moments. But Josephine had led her through. Like she always had. 

Gingerly, she took Josephine’s left hand in her own and brought it towards her mouth, kissing the finger with her ring on it tenderly.

“What do you think?”

Josephine twined their fingers together, and while Evelyn missed the pressure and warmth of the movement, she loved that this was possible again. Josephine let out a happy sigh. 

“Our hands fit together, so it’s perfect.”

Evelyn rose out of her seat, taking Josephine in by the waist, “It won’t be on every hour of the day, but for daytime...It’s a good start.” 

“You know I don’t care if you hadn’t figured this out,” Josephine admitted, bringing their left hands up to her chest, “You aren’t broken. This is wonderful, but if you never wanted to wear it again, that would be fine.”

“What, after all that hard work?” Evelyn teased, watching Josephine’s cheeks flush, “I kid. I’m sorry.” She leaned her forehead against Josephine’s, “I know. And I’d be lying if I said_ I _ didn’t need this. I feel better wearing it. But thank you.” 

Evelyn pressed a kiss to her lips, “Besides, I missed hold you.”

Josephine’s arms wrapping around her and Evelyn being able to do the same was more than worth the struggle. 

\--

Research these days was a bit of an indulgence. Evelyn wasn’t publishing things much these days. She co-wrote a study on the Fade with Dorian across borders, which had caused a bit of a scandal; But other than that, she mostly spent her days supporting the family she’d married into and ran the Inquisition from behind the scenes. But she was known to get caught up in her research now and again. 

And this was one of those times. 

She had borrowed countless tomes from the College of Magi’s library, as well as some medical texts she'd pilfered from the local apothecary. They were all strewn about her desk in the study she usually shared with her wife. But Josephine was out on business with the Merchant Council, so the space was her own to spread out to. 

She’d even commandeered a black board to write notes on, something she hadn’t done in years. 

She had been working so long she hadn’t even noticed the time passing. It wasn’t until the study door opened and Josephine came around, holding a tray with two twin plates and cups that she realized how much time had passed. She sheepishly took the tray from her wife, putting it down on the small table between two chairs by their fireplace. 

“Sorry, Josie, I lost track of time. How long have you been back?”

“Not long at all,” Josephine waved a hand, tucking into her food, “Truthfully, I also missed dinner tonight. So the kitchen sent us both a meal.” 

Evelyn hummed, digging into her own food, having forgotten to eat most of the day herself. They sat in peaceful quiet, both eating for a while, before settling into the tea that was also sent. With a glowing hand, she warmed the two cups, with a small smile at the memories it brought up. 

“So what have you been studying so diligently, my love?” Josephine finally questioned, motioning to the room, “I see you’ve taken up most of our space here, and you were clearly caught up in it.”

“Oh. It was ah...about that thing we were discussing the other day.” 

“_ Oh _,” Josephine flushed, her fingers twitching against her tea cup, “Any progress?”

Evelyn ran her wooden hand through her hair, unbound at the end of the day, “Oh, there isn’t much I can find for people in our particular situation. There have been uses of a third party, but then it isn’t really from both of us. And then there was the idea for a _ sibling _ to do the deed, but the idea of my twin or your brothers doing this is...I don’t like it.”

“They have to do the _ deed _?” Josephine’s eyes widened.

“No, no, a sample might be enough, but I still dislike the idea of it being Max’s seed.” Evelyn wrinkled her nose, “He’s too serious.”

“Perhaps a child or our own is out of the question then…” A sigh. Josephine sounded so sad at the idea. “Maybe we should look into adopting?” 

“I’m not against it but…” Evelyn huffed, frustrated, “I know if I just work a little harder maybe I can figure this out. Maybe a spell? A transfiguration?” She looked over at her black board where a brushed off portion had considered blood magic. There was a long silence. Then a sigh. She hated being so close and yet have an idea out of her grasp. She’d need help after all. 

“I’ll try to get Dorian’s advice again. There have to instances of this in Tevinter. And their magic might have an answer.”

Josephine smiled over the rim of her teacup, “You’re adorable when you’re caught up in your research. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you like this, Evie.”

Evelyn laughed, leaning back, “Adorable? Hold onto that thought when I’m three days in and unwilling to stop until I hit a breakthrough,” she teased, a flush on her cheeks nonetheless. Her days as Inquisitor were full of highs and lows and only now, 3 years later, did she feel like she could look back on the time with a hazy fondness. Despite what it had cost her. Her wooden arm twitched at the thought. 

“Well, I’ll be sure to remember that.” Josephine placed her cup back on the tray and walked over to Evelyn’s chair. Sitting across her wife’s lap, she ran her hand through Evelyn’s hair, pushing the unruly waves out of her eyes. “Maybe a trip to see Dorian would be best. You two haven’t seen one another in a while, and it might give you some time to discuss other matters.”

She meant the word from their spies that Solas had gained a foothold in Tevinter. She _ should _ look into that troubling claim. Evelyn leaned into Josephine’s touch, eyes fluttering shut. “I think it might be nice to surprise him. Live on his dime for a month.” She opened her eyes again, “If you think you would be alright?”

Josephine’s smile grew soft, a little wistful, “I used to go months without seeing you when we were in the Inquisition, remember? I’m out of practice, but I have no doubt I can pick it up again.” She leaned down to place a kiss on Evelyn’s lips, “Provided you write to me any every opportunity.”

“Of course.”

\--

_ Lady Montilyet, _

_ My dear wife, you’ll have to forgive the relative silence for the past few days. Dorian and I were carrying out an experiment that proved to be quite fruitful. I hope the news of that breakthrough is enough to soothe any anger at my lack of writing. Though I’ll accept any berating in the letter you will send to me in response. I probably deserve it. _

_ I miss you every day I am here, as I’ve stated before, but most of all when there is no familiar face bringing me tea during my research. Every time the door opens to Dorian’s laboratory, I expect you to walk through to join us for afternoon tea, as you sometimes did when we were younger. But alas, it’s always an apprentice of some sort. Dorian teases me every time my head perks up with the door opens and it’s a tad embarrassing, to be honest. _

_ Oh if only you could have joined us! You told me before I left that you felt you could remember your patience from when I traveled, but I fear I’ve lost my skills. I miss waking up next to you, and chatting over breakfast. I wish I could show you the architecture here and all the different fashions! I’ll be sure to bring some back with me, but I’ve enclosed a hairpin for your hair that I thought would suit your eyes. _

_ I’m halfway through my time here, and while my studies are important, I’m eager to return to you, results or no. I promise to write more frequently now. My thoughts and dreams are always with you. _

_ Fondly, _

_ Your Wife _

_ E. Montilyet. _

Dorian plucked the letter from Evelyn’s desk and made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “Maker above, you’re still awful at this. Every letter you send is saccharinely sweet. I can’t stand it.” He threw his hand over his eyes, “It’s too much for my withered soul.”

“You and Bull don’t write?”

“We do, but not like you two.” Dorian folded the letter, plucking the hairpin out of Evelyn’s hand, gingerly placing it in between the pages. He shook his head as he prepared the letter for transport, “I would think after all these years you would have matured. Maybe would send a letter that was saucy on _ purpose.” _

“How do you know I haven’t?” 

“Well!” Dorian walked over to an open window, giving the letter to a waiting raven. The bird flew out and Evelyn watched it as it flew south. “Tell me the next time you write then. If I can stomach your sweet nothings I simply _ must _ know what your dirty talk is like.”

Evelyn laughed, her right hand finding the ring hanging around her neck, twirling it in her fingers. Ignoring Dorian’s bait, she simply smiled. She loved the company of the man, but she found her mind wandering towards her wife. 

She knew right now that Josephine would be in the middle of her own letter writing to various businessmen. She could almost see the way Josephine’s mouth would screw up in a small frown as she focused. She could hear the scratch of the quill and the soft sound of the port from below. The sun would be shining on Josephine’s desk, illuminating her with a halo of light.

The image was enough to energize her, and she stood from the desk she was at. She brushed her hands against her pants, and took a deep breath in. Refreshed, she clapped and nodded towards Dorian. 

“Come on then, the day is young and we hit a good stride yesterday. Let’s start, shall we?”

“Fine, ignore my request to see your letters,” Dorian sniffed, “But I agree. Let’s figure this out, so that you can be lovesick at home and away from me, I don’t want it wearing off on me.” The shit eating grin on his face brought Evelyn back to their days traveling, and Evelyn matched it with her own. She wasn’t afraid of the letter reaching Josephine now, knowing she’d smile and hold it close. How times had changed. 

But she wouldn’t have it any other way. 


End file.
